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What happens when people of different occupations get old.
- Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
- Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
- Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
- Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
- Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
- Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
- Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.
- Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.
- Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
- Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
- Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.
- Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
- Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
- Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
- Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.
- Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.
- Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
- Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
- Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
- Old garagemen never die, they just retire.
- Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
- Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
- Old hippies never die, they just smell that way.
- Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.
- Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe.
- Old investors never die, they just roll over.
- Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
- Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.
- Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.
- Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
- Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
- Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.
- Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.
- Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor…
- Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
- Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.
- Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.
- Old owls never die, they just don’t give a hoot.
- Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
- Old perfessers never die, they just lose their class.
- Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
- Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
- Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
- Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on….
- Old printers never die, they’re just not the type.
- Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
- Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.
- Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.
- Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
- Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.
- Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
- Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.
- Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings.
- Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
- Old Soldiers never die. Young ones do.
- Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
- Old students never die, they just get degraded.
- Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.
- Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.
- Walt Disney didn’t die. He’s in suspended animation.
- Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged.
- Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.
Top 25 Engineer’s Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean)
A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.)
Close project coordination. (We sat down and had coffee together.)
An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach. (We just hired three punk kids out of school.)
Major technological breakthrough! (It works OK; but looks very hi-tech!)
Customer satisfaction is believed assured. (We are so far behind schedule, that the customer will take anything.)
Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive. (The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)
Test results were extremely gratifying! (Unbelievable, it actually worked!)
The entire concept will have to be abandoned. (The only guy who understood the thing quit.)
It is in process. (It is so wrapped in red tape that the situation is completely hopeless.)
We will look into it. (Forget it! We have enough problems already.)
Please note and initial. (Let’s spread the responsibility for this.)
Give us the benefit of your thinking. (We’ll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn’t interfere with what we have already done or with what we are going to do.)
Give us your interpretation. (We can’t wait to hear your bull.)
See me or let’s discuss. (Come to my office, I’ve messed up again.)
All new. (Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.)
Rugged. (Don’t plan to lift it without major equipment.)
Robust! (Rugged, but more so)
Light weight. (Slightly lighter than rugged)
Years of development. (One finally worked)
Energy saving. (Achieved when the power switch is off.)
No maintenance. (Impossible to fix)
Low maintenance. (Nearly impossible to fix)
Fax me the data. (I’m too lazy to write it down.)
We are following the standard! (That’s the way we have always done it!)
I didn’t get your e-mail. (I haven’t checked my e-mail for days.)
Getting extra training and education after high school is becoming more important in today`s current job market. Employers are looking for someone that can come right in and get the job done without the added expense of extra training or education. While vocational and traditional degrees have their differences, both are valuable for today`s potential employees.
Receiving a vocational degree shows that you are proficient at a certain skill. Sometimes called technical education, you have several different options to choose from. Some students choose vocational school to learn skills that match up to a specific trade so they can enter a certain industry. Dental technicians, office managers and even clinical assistants earn a vocational degree. There are different types of schooling and lengths of time required to earn the vocational degree.
Someone wanting to become a vehicle technician would choose this type of degree. They would learn all of the ins and outs of vehicles including maintenance tasks, computer testing and general repairs. With this knowledge they can then apply to different shops or dealerships in their area. They are more likely to be hired than someone that comes in with no knowledge or experience.
On the other hand, a traditional degree typically comes with a four-year requirement. In the same way a person chooses a specific area of study for vocational degrees, students choose an area of education in which they want to be proficient. It is possible to study anything from anthropology to zoology and everything in between.
While earning a traditional degree has a specific focus, the first two years are spent working through prerequisites. These are classes on writing, math, science, history and more. During this time critical thinking skills are taught and classes at this level must be passed in order to continue. People assume that a college graduate should walk away with specific knowledge as well as basic skills used in the workplace.
Both vocational degree holders and traditional degree holders have the potential to find promising and rewarding careers. Because vocational jobs require specialized skills and learning it isn`t as easy to move around to different types of positions. For example, the car technician will stay within the car industry to get the most out of their degree. They won`t be crossing over to another industry just because they have a vocational degree.
On the other hand, many traditional degree holders find that they have flexibility in their job selection. Even if an individual went to college and left with a history degree, they still have the opportunity to take on other jobs. For example, with a little extra training, they could become a teacher.
There are some positions in a variety of industries that just require a traditional degree, despite what the major emphasis on education was. While these positions may not be what you went to school for or what you dreamed of doing, they are an opportunity to work.
Whether you choose a vocational degree or a traditional degree, you are setting yourself up to be more successful and more valuable in the workplace. Choose a college that is best suited to your needs and what you want to do with the rest of your life. Both degrees offer you the chance to learn and experience job related issues and situations.
A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant.
Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?”
The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”
Woman: I can make the boss give me the day off.
Man: And how would you do that?
Never say it at work.
TWELVE THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR AN EMPLOYEE TELL HIS/HER BOSS
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is always refreshing.